You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
