I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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