those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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