How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
