I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
