I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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