We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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