When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
being pregnant is like rehab
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
