Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
