Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
