I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
