I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
