I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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