it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize