I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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