she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
