I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
