all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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