I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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