yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
