R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
