honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
