whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize