I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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