planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
