I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
