Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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