I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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