at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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