this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it glows. i had to have it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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