I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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