You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize