I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize