So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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