do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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