i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
