I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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