with your own penis?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
