It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
