In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
