I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
