I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
