my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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