ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
