My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's always time for handjobs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
