Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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