its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
