So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize