What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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