i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
