If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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