Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
barbara walters just said penis...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
