You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
