Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
