I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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