bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
