yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
