suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
