I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
