you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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