before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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