My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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