from now on my penis is your penis
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize