singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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