I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
