i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
