Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
