that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
