We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
