i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
