fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize