she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
