I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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