Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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