i need an iv and a liver transplant
Girls should come with a carfax report
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
