I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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