Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
