dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pooping to opera.
Randomize