she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
