Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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