Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
