you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
