so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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