my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
