First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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