You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize