It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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