i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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