One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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