if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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