it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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