I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
