yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Rumble strips road head = magical
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
