i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
