I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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