This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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