After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
