I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize