I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
