On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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