he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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