I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
