he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
