OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
