Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize