You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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