xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
