Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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