literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
