My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just google imaged poop.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
