I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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