I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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