I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
