Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
